


Hollowed

by inkstainz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ajan Kloss, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Feels, Force Bond (Star Wars), Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Oneshot, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, SPOILERS MY FRIENDS, Star Wars oneshot, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, The Force, ben solo is back but only sort of, rey and poe get the feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22156345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkstainz/pseuds/inkstainz
Summary: **THE RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS**After the Resistance wins the war, Rey is left feeling as if she's been taken over by the events of the days passed. But during a late-night in the woods, Ben Solo's voice is suddenly apparent.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! going strong with the star wars fanfiction.  
> this is definitely sadder and a tad deeper than my last oneshot (telling you again), but i'm actually quite proud of it. i'm still mad that they killed off ben. i will be for a while, so thanks for reading my coping mechanisms :p i also added in a poe x rey moment for the feels because poe is The Man.
> 
> anywho, happy reading!!

Rey found it strangely odd to witness a quiet moment for herself after the happenings of the days in the base’s wake. To her, it seemed like weeks the Resistance fighters had celebrated their fresh victory over the First Order, but it had only been two, gruesomely long days. Rey had taken a reserved stance although almost every soul that came near her was drawn into conversation. She tried her best to welcome them into small talk or a hug, but her mind was haunted.

Haunted by the shadows on Palpatine’s face. The chants of the Sith around her. Darkness creeping into her mind, terrorizing and banging on the sides of her skull.

And Ben. His grin of relief and sacrifice as he faded was nowhere near erased from her thoughts. He’d finally accepted his light again, only to give himself to save Rey.

Dreadfully, it had crossed Rey’s mind that she didn’t deserve such an act. Ben had fought tirelessly with himself for ages and had become who he truly was, while she had almost given herself up to Palpatine in an instant. It was supposed to be me, the phrase repeated in her head over and over- not Ben.

The sounds of chirps and chitters from within the jungle were overrun by Rey’s endless cycle of anxiety and guilt, throwing terrors at her constantly. She wanted to scream, run- anything- to take her mind off the horror.

_You are a Palpatine. ___

____

____

The lush green, darkened by the night sky, started to close in around her as she walked down a path and quickened her step. She’d implied that being away from the chaos would soothe her mind, but it was exactly the opposite. The words were louder, the visions undeniable and more realistic. She walked faster.

_Rey. ___

____

____

Ben’s voice suddenly echoed between her ears, causing her to stop. Breaths escaped her lungs like bees from a disturbed nest as she clutched her sides.

_You’re still holding on. ___

____

____

It seemed impossible to think of anything else as she shuddered relentlessly, trying not to fall to the jungle floor. Her voice quivered pitifully as she felt a sharp pain rolled through her core.

_Let go. ___

____

____

With a heave in, Rey rose, staring straight down the path as she trembled. Her feet took off like jets as she tightened her brow and ran for nothing in particular.

_Your coming together is your undoing. ___

____

____

Palpatine.

Leaves and brush whistled past her legs as she struggled to stay on the narrow path in the dark. Her eyes were blurry and overrun by tears as she could feel the cold that had once pounded through her veins. The hard, stone floor. Dirt smudged on the side of her face. Ben tattered and bloodied. Palpatine smiling manically. The thousands of hooded Sith before them, voices thin as new ice.

Blinded by turmoil and loss of senses, Rey found herself toppling over an undisclosed tree root, falling to the ground. She winced in pain as the harsh turf scraped through her leg, most likely exposing a wound. Blood gushed through the veins in her head, creating a pounding sensation that only added to the lack of comfort throughout her body. Grime and dead leaves had scattered themselves across her clothes and skin but Rey didn’t attempt to brush herself off.

Her leg, she’d found, had suffered a slight scrape and oozed a bit of blood. It didn’t hurt terribly, but Rey found herself crying within seconds. Her abdomen throbbed with each deep sob, the next more painful than the next. The chants in her head weren’t completely gone but quieted in a way that she could hear her own wails in the middle of the jungle. Beside herself, she leaned over against a tree and wrapped her arms around her knees, breathing as well as she could amidst outbursts of tears.

_Rey. ___

____

____

Ben’s voice again had crept into Rey’s conscious, but this time it was frighteningly real. She eventually allowed herself to pause from her emotional upheaval, sniffling.

_Rey? ___

____

____

His tone had changed as if he were frantically looking for something important. Rey’s eyes widened as she unlatched her arms from her body.

“Ben?”

Immediately she felt ridiculous, calling to nothing but the jungle before her and a voice in her head. It was so incredibly stupid- delirious thinking.

_Rey. ___

____

____

Rey paused and took a deep breath before she spoke. “Are you here?” Her voice was soft and hushed, just barely above a whisper. It annoyed her that she continued with what seemed to be a fantasy.

Abruptly, Ben’s voice responded. _Yes. I have been. ___

____

____

‘I have been’? What was that supposed to mean? Rey pursed her lips and looked at her feet. Her callused hands were raw and sore from taking the second-most impact from her fall, her leg taking the most.

_You’re hurt? ___

____

____

Rey skipped a breath and hesitantly nodded. “I fell.”

Silence, she noticed, had suddenly become embedded in her brain. No whispers. No chanting. No images. Just what she could see with her own eyes in front of her and the occasional comfort of Ben’s voice.

_I’m sorry, the tone had a held back sentiment about it. I hate to see you like this- alone. I didn’t want to leave you but I- ___

____

____

A pause.

_But I wanted the best. I never wanted to leave- I don’t want to leave… I couldn’t leave you, Rey. ___

____

____

Rey stared at the ground in front of her, everything coming together. It was Ben- the Ben Solo she’d seen disappear into nothing in her arms just days before. She said nothing and kept her gaze unfocused.

_I’m here. I never left. Not really, at least. ___

____

____

Undecided if the air was easily filling her lungs or being blocked out of them, Rey gulped. “I feel you.”

_That’s good. I feel you, too. ___

____

____

“I can’t see you.”

_You won’t. ___

____

____

With a bit more of a quiet pause, Rey felt at ease. Not completely, but more so compared to her earlier outburst. The world around her was silent as if it had taken in a deep breath, refusing to let itself exhale.

Despite still being unsure of the situation, Rey continued to speak. “I don’t know what to do.”

_What do you mean? ___

____

____

“I can’t live like this, Ben.”

It was true. She’d hardly been able to get any sleep, finish a meal, or perform any task that she normally would have found easy. Her remorse was engulfing her daily self by the second, clouding her perception of herself and everything around her.

_You don’t have to. ___

____

____

“What do you mean?”

_You don’t need to go on like this. You did nothing wrong. ___

____

____

“Yes, I did,” Rey’s voice quivered uneasily. “I let you die-”

_No _, Ben cut her off rather harshly but paused._ You didn't do anything. I knew what I had to do._

__

__

_____ _

_____ _

A tear escaped Rey’s eye as she shook her head.

_What would have happened if I didn’t? We restored peace, Rey. ___

____

____

“I miss you,” Rey said, wiping her eyes and closing them. “I miss you.” She felt now as if a thousand bricks were stacked on her shoulders, pressing her down towards the center of the jungle moon. Unable to get Ben out of her mind, she lay her head against her knees.

_I miss you, too. ___

____

____

A short moment passed before Ben piped up again.

_I don’t want you to feel alone. ___

____

____

Rey didn’t either, yet that was all she had appeared to feel for some time. Surrounded by hundreds of people who cared about her, she couldn’t help but seem hollow. Every time she thought of Ben, a cold wind blew through that hollowness, reminding her of the absence.

“Thank you,” Rey mustered.

_You’re- Of course. You’re welcome. Just know that everything’s okay, alright? ___

____

____

Rey nodded to nothing but the voice- maybe to just reassure herself. “Okay.”

_Okay. ___

____

____

“Ben?”

_Yes? ___

____

____

No. Rey shook her head, embarrassed, and instead changed her statement. “I’ll… I’m thinking of you.”

_I know- me too. It’s- ___

____

____

“I have to go,” Rey cut him off, trying her best not to cry again. “I care about you, Ben, I do.”

_Rey- ___

____

____

Rey pursed her lips, looking up at the top of the trees. “Please don’t leave. Not for good.”

_I won’t. ___

____

____

Standing up, Rey finally brushed herself off and eyed her wound, still bloody but not terribly messy. She whispered a thank you, which was responded with a gush of wind softly shaking the jungle around her- Ben. With aching bones and a strained neck, Rey started to walk back down the path, careful to look for any rogue tree roots this time.

The air felt softer again like it had before, less dense. The demons in her mind quieted down, making it easier to take in any and everything around her. The haphazard pattern of the stones on the dirt path, the different plants, different animal calls. As she reached the base camp again, she saw a figure running towards her.

“Rey!” Poe’s voice seemed to be out of breath- tired and relieved, too. “Where’d you go?”

“The woods,” Rey replied as her friend reached her.

Poe’s eyebrows furrowed as he cocked his head a bit to the side. “Why’re you up so late?”

“Why are you up so late?” asked Rey with a small smirk.

“Good question, uh,” Poe chuckled. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.”

Poe gave her a look. “Are you sure?”

Rey shook her head.

“Wanna talk?” Poe lightly brushed Rey’s shoulder with his hand. Rey shrugged and looked away. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

The two walked for a bit to a grassy area overlooking a deforested valley, still luscious with grass and other plant growth. Rey sat down and outstretched her leg, forgetting to cover it up so she wouldn’t worry Poe. Therefore Poe did notice before she could reposition herself, widening his eyes.

“Now you have to tell me what happened because I know for sure it wasn’t just a walk in the woods, now was it?” he said, raising his eyebrows as he lowered himself down not too far from Rey. He lay down as he tossed her a bandage, propping himself up with his arm. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Rey blurted, regretting it. She looked down and wrapped the bandage around her leg.

Poe’s expression softened. “What’s going on, then?”

“I feel terrible,” Rey whispered after a strong pause. “Since…”

“Yeah,” Poe nodded. Rey had briefly told him and Finn of what happened with Palpatine and Ben already, but not the detailed version. She hadn’t brought herself to do it.

“I still see it,” she said on the brink of her voice squeaking. “I can’t close my eyes and not see it.”

Poe sat up and crawled closer to Rey. They sat quietly, looking at the view before them.

“It’s… It’s dark, Poe, it’s so dark,” Rey shook her head, glancing at Poe, her eyes tinted pink and tired.

“I know,” said Poe, putting his hand on her back. “I still have nightmares from ages ago.”

“You do?”

Poe nodded solemnly. “Some days it gets better, but other days you just have to push through it, y’know? Takes time.”

“Yeah.”

The sky was glittering with stars like a million little paint droplets had been splattered on a dark canvas. Rey and Poe gazed up at them, taking them in with awe. It’d been some time since Rey had really looked at the stars.

“Thank you,” she said to Poe, trying not to smirk at the sight of his unkempt hair as it stuck up.

“Anytime,” he replied with a gentle smile. “I’m gonna go see if I can get some sleep in. You coming back to camp?”

Rey shook her head politely. “No, not right now. I think I’ll stay for a bit.”

“Okay- stay strong? Just tell me if you ever need anything.”

“Okay.”

Rey watched the General sink back into the jungle’s shadow and turned to look back at the night sky. To her, he’d always be a cocky little pilot eager for any excitement he could get his hands on, though his heart was kind and warm. Her back loosened as she fell slowly backward, hitting the grass with a sigh. The hollowness in her core had been filled only slightly, but it was just enough to give her some warmth as she let her eyes shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sOrry it's been way too long! starting back to class was really abrupt and busy for me so i was only really able to write tiny little bits of this chapter here and there. enjoy :)

The sun rose early in the morning, casting a golden halo over Ajan Kloss and the Resistance base. Scrunching up her eyes, Rey turned over in the grass, which had begun to itch her bare arms. Waking up to the open morning sky startled her- she’d fallen deep into sleep right where she’d been the night before.

“Rey, wake up. Rey-”

A hand swiftly touched on her shoulder, causing her to jerk away, irritated, and clamber to get up. At the sight of Poe and his tired eyes, she softened.

“Thought you’d at least go back to your tent,” he shook his head, not hiding a smile as he crouched beside her.

Rey rubbed her face, attempting to free herself from her sleep. She could hear the base waking up themselves, starting to talk with each other and make breakfast.

“Here, come on,” the General stood from his position and gestured towards the direction of civilization. “You should get something to eat. Is your leg okay?”

“Yeah,” said Rey, groggily. She rose in a sluggish manner as she tried not to itch her arms too much.

“You should clean it,” Poe insisted thoughtfully as they began to walk. “Your leg. It’s not pretty.”

“Lovely compliment, Dameron.”

Coming upon the base, Rey rubbed her hands together anxiously. The air felt static and the ringing in the back of her mind began to grow louder. Though ignoring it as best she could, it wouldn’t go away. Soon it would all flood back- everything she didn’t want. The shadows. The voices.

She knew it all too well.

“Poe,” she said suddenly, taking the General by surprise.

“Yeah?”

“I have to go to my tent.”

“Oh, uh…” Poe rubbed his neck. “Okay?”

“I’ll meet you for breakfast,” Rey nodded. Her heart was jittering amidst her ribcage like a frantic bird in a cage as she quickly sprinted away to her own tent. Rushing inside, she wasted no time climbing on her cot and burying her head in its pillow.

The bedsheets were musty and hot from the jungle humidity, sticking to Rey’s body as she tossed and turned, trying to escape her demise. How foolish she’d been to think for a second that she’d overcome the past that quickly. She still wasn’t even sure she’d been talking to anything more than an overactive imagination the night before.

After almost a half-hour of fear and lonesomeness amidst her bed, Rey lay on her back and stared at the tent’s ceiling. The sun illuminated the fabric slightly, casting an orange-ish hue over everything inside its walls. As the morning continued on, she grew hungry from skipping breakfast and sweaty from the heat, miserable as ever. Her stomach regretted the decision, longing to be filled.

As uncomfortable as she was, Rey felt no longing to move- no longing to see another face or watch the sunshine on the tree canopies.

She wanted to have Ben.

Later, correctly dressing her wound, Rey threw out the dirtied bandage and washed her face. As it would normally bring her back to reality to collect herself, she still felt disoriented. It was almost as if the world around her was continuing to spin but she was stuck in place. Like there was something pulling her down.

It wasn’t until later in the day that Rey went to search for something to eat. The meal tent was sizeable enough to fit a good amount of Resistance fighters in, but most ate around the base. Nodding kindly to a few greetings, Rey collected a small plate of vegetables and bread and sat down on a stool in the corner.

Grimy mechanics and chatty pilots sat amongst her, talking with each other. One thing about any Resistance base was its friendliness. Everyone would greet you with a pat on a back or warm smile, asking how your day was going or providing words of encouragement.

“Rey?”

Amidst swallowing a small bite of food, Rey shifted to find Finn walking towards her.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked.

Rey paused. “I wasn’t feeling too well so I, em- I was taking a break, I guess.”

Finn picked up a stool and sat it down next to her. “Are you feeling any better? I mean, we can go to the medic center-”

“I’m fine,” Rey snapped a tad harshly but regained herself. “I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

Furrowing his brows slightly, Finn cocked his head. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

“It’s okay, I really am fine.”

Her friend snorted. “No, you’re not.”

How annoying it was that he knew. He always knew. Defeated and tired, Rey glanced longingly at Finn. “I’m not.”

“Here, come on,” he stood up and put a soft hand on her shoulder. “We can-”

Finn’s voice was suddenly drowned out by a buzzing noise in Rey’s mind. He continued to speak but she couldn’t hear him- his words escaped into nothingness as she clutched his arm and heaved in a breath.

The buzzing abruptly stopped.

"Rey, are you-"

"Finn."

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something."


End file.
